Sometimes, when you're living an overweight life in a world where thin equals pretty, and pretty gets the girl, you start to fantasize about a future you; what you might look like, what you may be doing, who you might be with, and all the great things you can do as your future thin self.
I've recently been speaking my dietitian about this. There is a fantasy that comes with weight loss. An illusion that you will become 'x', or you will have 'z' if you lose weight. What this future self looks like is different for every person.
Mine looks like:
"Once I lose weight, I will fit into these clothes I keep in a bin at the back of my closet."
"Once I lose weight, my colleagues will respect me."
"Once I lose weight, I can work out."
"Once I lose weight, I won't have to worry about food so much."
"Once I lose weight, my anxiety will go away, and I can sleep at night."
"Once I lose weight, people will value me, respect me, and love me."
Sometimes I even imagine that if I could lose weight, that my personality will change. That I won't be so awkward, or socially uncomfortable.
If I'm being honest with myself, in the past when I have lost weight, nothing about me has fundamentally changed. I go through a cycle where I see some progress, I get excited, life happens, I lose motivation, and I backslide/fall off the wagon/give up. I wind up weighing more than I did to start with, and I hate myself. So much.
So, here we are. I want to say goodbye to the unattainable future self that I've been holding on to for as long as I've had body issues (12? 13? 14 years old?), mourn that loss, and start living my life with the present me. As my wife always says, "I've got one body, so I might as well love it." It's just you and me, body. Maybe if I give you a chance, I'll find that I do actually like you, and that you can like me, too.
Epic Quest: Live now, in the present.
